Sunday, June 5, 2011

Sum a Consummator

Today, my dad had a serious talk with me. He usually doesn't do this, so when it happens, it can intimidating, but a learning experience after all. I am not going to get into to detail as to what he exactly said. But his message was for me to be active, responsible. and appreciative. Since during summer time, everyone wants to kick back, lay down, go to the beach, go on vacations and such, i mean it's obvious right? We deserve it! We work TOO hard in school/work...

But sometimes it can be too much, too much laying around, too much relaxing. It's an excuse to do absolutely nothing. (I know this doesn't apply to everyone)

Unfortunately, i have embodied this for the last couple weeks. Not much progress, (besides a small project i'm working on) not much of my internship, not much Stetson paperwork done, and not much of anything.

I wonder in my room too much, i literally start for instance, drawing, and then get in the mood of painting. Start looking for my materials, while looking, i find my rubik's cube start playing with it then i remember i was initially looking for materials. Start looking again then find a stack of photos, start looking at them and so on, this can go on for hours and it's the most frustrating thing in the world. This is normal for me, but it kills me because i feel like i can't help it. It may be part of who i am but i also feel like it's the part of myself i hate the most.

I forget how depressing this can make me feel, i feel the weight now. I feel like a failure, i feel like i cannot accomplish anything, i feel like utter waste of time.
This probably is the most negative thing you'll EVER hear me say. This only happens when I self evaluate, i beat myself down.

Yet, since I AM a positive person, i move on.

found this quote today:

"I can tell you how to get what you want: You've got to keep a thing in view and go for it and never let your eyes wonder to the left or the right or up or down. And looking back is fatal"

-William J Lock

As i was analyzing this I realized that the thing I have always struggled with the most is focusing and ACTUALLY finishing things. According to my mentor Mauricio Garcia it's very common and probably the biggest weakness for an ENFP personality type, my personality too not finish tasks. Believe it or not this actually inspired me to break this, i don't know if it would be consider a stereotype or whatever, but it will not be part of who i am.

Sum a Consummator

Language, more than a way to communicate, it's Art of its own.

I have always been fascinated by Latin and Hebrew and French. But there's just something about Latin, this dead unspoken language, so mysterious, so compelling.

It's incredibly inspiring to put simple words together as bold statements.

I am currently working on this simple piece , yet significant. I will write on it "Sum a Consummator":

This will motivate me every time i want to wonder around, or am simply being lazy. Not, going to lie, right now i still feel slightly frustrated, but i know i'm taking an important step. Doing everything else won't actually be that hard because when i'm on a roll, I'M ON A ROLL. But it's starting that is always the hardest step.

i'm going to make it fun, artistic, and motivating to take that first step.

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