Friday, November 25, 2011

Making memories that have yet to happen.

I've been a little disconnected lately, caught up having fun you know... what most of us consider the "college experience". Today, just felt a little different, nothing insanely odd yet unlike lately.

I spent the entire day reading about Russian artist and their color theories, abstract ideas of form and such. It was such a contrast to go from that to watching this eye-opening and heart-felt documentary; "The Human Experience" (if you have Netflix, i strongly recommend it) I naturally felt empowered, motivated... not to mention that one of my favorite artists Makoto Fujimora is in it, which was a surprise. I couldn't have watched a more perfect film.

This is what i find odd, this documentary focuses of compassion and experiencing life in the shoes of others. Great message, you know I'm all about integration, humanity, education, and action. However, at the end of this film, i catch myself tearing up (I NEVER cry to movies) and not because of the images, or the true stories i had just watched but because I had a quick image in my head of my dad holding my future child in his arms. I cannot tell you why in the world this went through my head...

I honestly don't know exactly how to react towards this. As i sit here trying to make connections, all I can make sense of is that my father grew up fatherless, he never met his dad. My grandpa died right before my dad was born so there's a paternal void in my father's life, which will never be replaced. Yet, as i had this quick image i can only interpret it as my dad finally fulfilling this role of a grandpaI, I feel as if i'm the one in his shoes in my mid 60's contemplating the stare of an innocent child whose veins hold the same blood I hold.

This emotional experience makes me feel reconnected. I am thankful to have experienced this image, which i now hold close to my heart. I'm already making memories to a moment that has yet to happen. That right there is the human experience, and the power of the mind.

Good night folks.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

"I am nature-thinking oriented..." she said

Yesterday at work there was this lady with curly hair, wearing a pink shirt, and a carrying humble stare who kept coming towards starbucks. In one of the occasions we ended up having a pretty long conversation, in which i felt she was supposed to deliver some kind of message. She mentioned how a lot of the times she feels she needs to tell people certain things, it just happens to be to random people. As our coversation developed she shared Jeremiah 29:11 with me:

“ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

It’s so interesting because lately i have spent a lot of time on getting everything organized for Stetson, my internship and such. As much as i feel my faith is strong, there’s times i am stressed and insecure for things i’m about encounter. It’s not really big insecurities of feeling incapable, but more like a slight anxiety of facing a very different and more demanding lifestyle than the one i have now, an exciting one nevertheless.

It was as if she knew what i was experiencing, so her words were taken heavy.

As excited and as nervous i may feel about my future, all i know is that these plans are to prosper me and not to harm me…

It’s true when they say God works in mysterious ways and you never know who’s there to deliver a message….

Monday, June 20, 2011

Not by might, nor by power…

Today has been beyond incredible.

First off waking up to a beautiful text of encouragement from my best friend, then to have the honor to speak at Seminole State’s board of trustees meeting, then to be recognized as having extraordinary student success by the entire board, not to mention having both my mentors Isa and Mo’ along with a few members from my Seminole State Volunteers team 3 and other teams to be present showing their love and support, these kids have no idea how much it means.

I also picked up my framed fresco, which my parents put up today and looks amazing!

& to top it off, at my internship i was able to truly bond with Joanne, as she walked me through steps on graphic design and tips about illustration, she also loved my “i love you” design and mentioned how it was marketable, which in a way surprised me since it really didn’t take me much time to do, but felt incredible to hear that nevertheless. She also really liked my collage project! and offered me to go to the International Christian Retail Show, which is a huge opportunity to network with people in the crafting industry as well as meeting clients and witnessing first hand how the industry works.

I’m filled with joy with all the blessings God has provided and keeps providing for my family, my friends and I.

I will conclude this with a beauitiful verse:

“Not by might, nor by power, but my spirit” says the Lord

-Zechariah 4:6

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Even though Father’s Day is pretty much over, i waited to make this post this late because i was haunting these photos down…

Today at church there was a dedication to father’s, like a slide show…

Something that really impacted me during this dedication was a part that said “Remember when he used to read you bible stories…”

I felt so teary eyed for a second because one of my clearest childhood memories was nightly devotionals that included my dad pulling out a massive drawing pad and sketching all the bible stories to make it more understandable for my brother and I. I remember we used to sing this really corny song every night …(in spanish of course) that went:

“Come and let us go up to the mountain of Yahweh, and to the house of the God of Jacob, and he will teach us his ways, and we will walk in his paths.”

I remember this like it was yesterday, it was the most intimate family quality time of the day. Sometimes it would get so late that we couldn’t have an entire devotional so my dad would pull out a chair and sit between my brother’s room and mine and read the bible until we fell asleep… when he would stop, for some ridiculous reason we would wake up and tell him to keep going…

… Also, i remember always being terrified of sleeping alone, so i would wake up in the middle of the night randomly and scream “Papi!!!” i always thought there was something in my room, i guess just like any other little girl… but he would run out of his room and lay next to me until i would fall asleep again…

These are just a few of many stories i can talk about, he is the bravest man i know, and i’m proud to be his daughter.

The awesome thing about this story is that to this day, my dad does everything he can to bring us all together at night to read at least one verse and pray together, of course it’s not the same, and sometimes one of us is missing, but the fact that we made this pretty much a family tradition makes me tremble.

Just thinking about all these teachings and how they have impacted us as a family as individuals…

Nothing in the world, i mean absolutely nothing can compare to that kind of impact.

Thank you Father, You have no idea what you mean in our lives, and the generations to come…

Happy Father’s Day!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Sum a Consummator

Today, my dad had a serious talk with me. He usually doesn't do this, so when it happens, it can intimidating, but a learning experience after all. I am not going to get into to detail as to what he exactly said. But his message was for me to be active, responsible. and appreciative. Since during summer time, everyone wants to kick back, lay down, go to the beach, go on vacations and such, i mean it's obvious right? We deserve it! We work TOO hard in school/work...

But sometimes it can be too much, too much laying around, too much relaxing. It's an excuse to do absolutely nothing. (I know this doesn't apply to everyone)

Unfortunately, i have embodied this for the last couple weeks. Not much progress, (besides a small project i'm working on) not much of my internship, not much Stetson paperwork done, and not much of anything.

I wonder in my room too much, i literally start for instance, drawing, and then get in the mood of painting. Start looking for my materials, while looking, i find my rubik's cube start playing with it then i remember i was initially looking for materials. Start looking again then find a stack of photos, start looking at them and so on, this can go on for hours and it's the most frustrating thing in the world. This is normal for me, but it kills me because i feel like i can't help it. It may be part of who i am but i also feel like it's the part of myself i hate the most.

I forget how depressing this can make me feel, i feel the weight now. I feel like a failure, i feel like i cannot accomplish anything, i feel like utter waste of time.
This probably is the most negative thing you'll EVER hear me say. This only happens when I self evaluate, i beat myself down.

Yet, since I AM a positive person, i move on.

found this quote today:

"I can tell you how to get what you want: You've got to keep a thing in view and go for it and never let your eyes wonder to the left or the right or up or down. And looking back is fatal"

-William J Lock

As i was analyzing this I realized that the thing I have always struggled with the most is focusing and ACTUALLY finishing things. According to my mentor Mauricio Garcia it's very common and probably the biggest weakness for an ENFP personality type, my personality too not finish tasks. Believe it or not this actually inspired me to break this, i don't know if it would be consider a stereotype or whatever, but it will not be part of who i am.

Sum a Consummator

Language, more than a way to communicate, it's Art of its own.

I have always been fascinated by Latin and Hebrew and French. But there's just something about Latin, this dead unspoken language, so mysterious, so compelling.

It's incredibly inspiring to put simple words together as bold statements.

I am currently working on this simple piece , yet significant. I will write on it "Sum a Consummator":

This will motivate me every time i want to wonder around, or am simply being lazy. Not, going to lie, right now i still feel slightly frustrated, but i know i'm taking an important step. Doing everything else won't actually be that hard because when i'm on a roll, I'M ON A ROLL. But it's starting that is always the hardest step.

i'm going to make it fun, artistic, and motivating to take that first step.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Sometimes i feel like i'm verbally challenged. But this i know...

I tend to feel like my words can't fully describe the way i feel. I am not exactly sure why... Yet, when i feel inspired and passionate, i don't care how words come out. They're like utterances from my soul.

Today, I celebrate 25 years of love
from two crucial beings in my life
My parents
They are the platform i stand on
they are the spot light i desire to point at
They gave me life
They give me love